The domestic qualifications of an elder in the Lord’s church
have produced more debate among brethren than all the others combined, or so it
seems. Many Christian men who might otherwise be qualified are unable to serve
either because of a real or perceived failure in their exercise of authority in
the home.
And it is just this—the experience of exercising proper
authority in the home—that is the critical element of the requirements that an
elder be a husband and successfully nurture a family.
While many issues related to these home-centered
requirements will continue to spawn discussion and result in varied conclusions
at the congregational level, it is critical that we see the home as a microcosm
of the local church. The experience a man gains in righteously leading,
teaching and otherwise shepherding his family prepares him to be able to do the
same on a larger scale, within the local church. This is the point of the
Apostle Paul’s parenthetical statement in 1 Timothy 3:5 that “(for if a man
does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church
of God?)”
We shall touch later on some of the collateral “issues” but
students of the pastoral qualifications will benefit from seeking to understand
the purpose of the qualifications as they relate to the “work” of an elder.
These domestic qualifications never have been of greater
importance than they are in the present generation. Our culture knows nearly
nothing about the godly exercise of authority. In fact, authority itself
largely is disdained. And this disregard for authority, when combined with some
of the doctrines of feminism, has resulted in a vacuum of home leadership or a
perversion of God’s plan for such.
The popular idea of joint leadership of a husband and wife
is an oxymoronic misunderstanding of leadership. If a family consists of a
husband and a wife and they both are deemed “leaders,” there is, in reality, no
leader. And God has appointed and decreed that the man (husband) lead in the
home (Ephesians 5:22-24).
Must be husband of one wife
The apostle declares that a bishop must be “the husband of
one wife” in 1 Timothy 3:2 and Titus 1:6. First, this
establishes the need for an overseer to be married. No bachelor bishops are
allowed. This makes clear the folly of the young Mormon men who come to our
doors and introduce themselves as “elders.” They are not old enough to properly
be called such and most of them don’t meet the marriage qualification either.
This doesn’t imply that younger or unmarried Christian men
are lesser saints, but simply that they don’t possess the maturity or
experience needed for “this job” in the kingdom
of God.
While again it may only be an issue today in Utah,
being the husband of one wife excludes a man who is a polygamist. Such a man
wouldn’t be a faithful Christian in the first place. The idea of the text is
literally, “a one woman man.”
With these basic conclusions made, let’s now think about how
being a husband prepares and qualifies a man to be an elder in the local
church.
In both the role of husband and elder a man must learn to
lead in a loving way. A Christian husband can’t “make” his wife obey him by
threat of bodily harm or other intimidations. He is commanded to love his wife
just as Christ loved the church and died to bring that body of believers to
salvation. He is to love her like his own body, nourishing and cherishing her
(Ephesians 5:25-29). Neither can an
elder “force” his will on a congregation.
Both roles require that a man understand his responsibility
and accountability for being “out front” in guiding, teaching, correcting and
exemplifying God’s will among those he leads. No man is qualified as a
successful husband and father who leaves the spiritual
leadership of his home up to his wife. Yet, sadly, male spiritual leadership in
the home has been more the exception than the rule in the last half-century
among God’s people.
Godly spiritual leadership isn’t easy work. When you can’t
just order righteous behavior and thinking, a lot of time has to be spent
teaching and explaining, exhorting and admonishing, and living the message to
be conveyed.
When done well in the home, you have a man with the
experience to do the same with his brethren. But when a man thinks his only
role in the home is to give orders and “bring home the bacon,” you have a man
who, when appointed an elder, thinks he is empowered to arbitrarily enforce his
personal opinions and control the church checkbook.
Think about this. When error is being taught in a
congregation or a few brethren are either being tempted to sin or are caught up
in it, you don’t so much need a church executive committee as you do
“shepherds.” And men learn to be shepherds as they guide their wives and
children.
Questions sometimes raised
Several difficult questions arise at times over the
qualification that a man must be the husband of one wife.
1. If a man’s first wife dies and he remarries, does he
qualify as the “husband of one wife”?
This one seems difficult only at first. A little thought
resolves the question. If by marrying again after his first wife dies this man
has more than one wife, he is a polygamist, is he not? The fact is, the marriage union or bond lasts only as long as both
married partners live, according to Romans 7:1-3. Therefore, when a spouse dies
the marriage ends and the dead person no longer is anyone’s spouse. When a man
in such a case marries again, he has but one wife.
2. If a man is divorced from his first wife on the grounds
of her having committed adultery, and he marries again, is he the husband of
one wife?
Again, the logic and principles are similar to the first
case. If God permits a divorce—and he does in the case of adultery (Matthew 5:32; 19:9)—then a man is no longer bound to
the first woman and if he marries another, he is only married to one woman. If
this is not the case, again he is a polygamist and the problem is much greater
than whether he is qualified to serve as an elder.
3. If a man is married when he is appointed an elder but his
wife subsequently dies, is he still qualified to serve as an elder?
This is a more difficult question and one that brethren have
often disagreed about. On the one hand, if we look at the qualification
singularly, the man is no longer married and no longer the husband of a wife,
as we observed in answering the first question. Thus, from this perspective, he
would not be qualified. Brethren sometimes note that having a wife is important
in carrying out hospitality and meeting with women who need spiritual
counseling.
On the other hand, others see a broader purpose of the
qualification in the experience the man gained in leading a wife in the home.
Her death does not negate that experience and they conclude God still approves
his doing the work of an elder.
Congregations must prayerfully examine both of these
perspectives and decide whether such a man remains qualified and approved of
God to serve as a pastor of the flock.
Must be a successful father
Again, the basic principles lying behind this qualification
are simple and forthright. The difficulties often lie in the details and collateral
questions. The Bible declares that a bishop must be a man who “rules his own
house well, having his children in submission with all reverence” (1 Timothy
3:4) and having children “not accused of dissipation or insubordination” (Titus
1:6).
The main point of having a mature man exercising authority
in the home or the church is so that those under his guidance are led to live
holy lives of submission to God’s precepts.
How can a congregation ever know whether a man is capable of
guiding men and women to that goal? The answer: See whether he had any success
in guiding the closest people to him on this earth—his family.
It is worth reiterating that this isn’t an easy task. Just
because a man lives a holy and upright life himself doesn’t guarantee his family
will do the same. Just because a man is a Christian and goes to worship on
Sunday doesn’t mean his children will live right. More is entailed.
Such a man must exercise his authority in the home in such a
way that truth is taught and truth is exemplified. He must also use his
authority to encourage, as well as warn. And, relative to his children in
particular, he is to exercise godly discipline for the purpose of restraining
sin and impressing the blessings of righteousness.
If a man’s children, especially while under his direct
control, are wild and uncontrolled, it would seem apparent he isn’t fathering
well. Remember, it is fathers, not mothers, who are particularly instructed to
“not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and
admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Most commentators emphasize the idea
of fathers not being too harsh in their discipline so as to make their children
angry. I’m more inclined to believe that a lack of proper, fatherly discipline,
leads to the creation of children who one day will face the wrath of God for
their undisciplined lives.
He must have faithful children
Whether fairly or unfairly, no other qualification has
received more attention or become the “choke point” for more congregational
appointments than Paul’s direction that an elder have “faithful children”
(Titus 1:6).
The issue or question entails whether being a successful
father means his children become and remain faithful Christians.
In favor of this conclusion are at least two points. First,
the word faithful is used nearly universally in scripture to refer to a person
who is faithful to God and, therefore, in terms of the New Testament, a
Christian. The American Standard Version translates the phrase as “having
children that believe” and the Revised Standard and New Revised Standard
versions translate it “whose children are believers.”
Second, since the job of an elder is to spiritually shepherd
the flock of God to continued faithful service and to help draw the unsaved to
Christ, having done so in his immediate family demonstrates the skills and
qualities needed for the work of a pastor.
But the contrary view also has at least two points in its
favor. First, the requirement of faithful children expressed in Titus 1:6 is
accompanied by the phrase “not accused of dissipation and insubordination.” The
faithful children phrase is not used in the parallel list of the qualifications
found in 1 Timothy 3:4, which only speaks of the man
having his “children in submission with all reverence.” Therefore, some have
concluded that both passages are speaking of the man’s children being faithful
to him and his leadership, rather than faithful to God.
Second, this view acknowledges that a father can’t obey the
gospel for his children or ultimately be responsible for how they will behave
once they leave the rule of his home. Most Christians know of at least one
situation where children were raised correctly and in God’s ways, yet refused
to ever obey the gospel or later left the faith. In fact, when children marry
they are directed to “leave father and mother” and to establish their own homes
(Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5). The
father no longer has the same authority over them as he had before. Does he
still have the same accountability?
Which position is the correct one undoubtedly will continue
to be debated and so prayerful study again is demanded.
How many children?
Whether we discuss “faithful” children or simply “children,”
the question of how many a man must have often arises.
First, does the use of the plural word “children” mean that
an elder must have more than one child to be qualified as a shepherd? One
position avers that since the plural term is used, a plurality of children is
what is demanded.
The opposite view argues that the focus is on the man’s
ability to guide and train those under his authority, not his ability to be
reproductively prolific. And, while the plural form is used in Titus, examples
can be cited in scripture where the plural word is used simply to express the
idea of one’s “offspring” and not number. Genesis 21:7 is a good example. Sarah
is there quoted as saying, “Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would
nurse children? For I have borne him a son in
his old age.” Sarah only bore one child and yet she used the term “children.”
If a potential elder has four children and three are
Christians and one is not, does he have “faithful children” under the
assumption that this refers to Christian children?
Some brethren say “all” his children must be faithful,
though we note that word isn’t used in the text. On the other hand, if the
assumption is correct that a man needs to have led his children to Christ to be
qualified as an elder, he would be a doubtful candidate if only one of four
children were faithful Christians.
Conclusions
If you didn’t realize before why the domestic prerequisites
for an elder are the subject of much study and debate, perhaps you do now. This
means neither that we must give up on understanding what the Lord meant nor
that we must cave in to the loudest defenders of the narrowest interpretations.
It does mean that we must prayerfully and carefully study
everything the Bible says about this subject. It means we must earnestly desire
to submit our wills to the will of God (John 7:17).
On some of the more controversial matters here explored,
I’ve purposely not expressed my personal convictions but sought to explain the
foundations upon which good brethren have reached different conclusions.
Now it’s your turn. May God bless our efforts to do his will.
Next: Look for a man who is morally watchful, self-controlled and sensible.
